Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize