I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Randomize
