your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
