I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
