Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize