so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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