Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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