guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
