wrigley field is MILF paradise
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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