This is not my ceiling
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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