I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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