The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
