Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize