A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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