I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
