STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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