When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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