Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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