I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
