do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
