You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
