I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
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Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
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Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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