We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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