you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
