Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
