Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
