I heard we made out
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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