i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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