Plan B is the new Plan A
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
