theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
