you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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