my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize