how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You need Xanax blowdarts
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
