my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
