I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
God, I missed his penis.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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