i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
