just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
