That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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