awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
