She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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