can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
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