fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
