PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
