we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
