take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
