seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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