i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
