I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
