listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
