The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
