I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
