Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
