i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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