so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
