i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
