A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just cut my nipple shaving
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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