Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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