if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
