I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Randomize
