i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
