I just saw a hot homeless man
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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