the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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